Strive to perfection

The clock reads "23 April, 10;13 am", and if I remember correctly, my dad was buzy walking me down the aisle, leaving the old behind and walking towards a new future...we were all so nervous, I remember that I just kept telling my dad "Do not step on my dress, please..."

I walked passed smiling familiar faces, but till this day I can not remember whose faces those were...all I remember was seeing him standing in front of the church, smiling, waiting for me...
We were married young, not knowing what the future holds, not really caring about it either, all we cared about was that being in love with each other was spectacularly wonderful!

"For better or for worse" - Yes, some days have been "for better" and others have been "for worse", but overall, most of them have been "For the best"!  We can not expect live to go smooth sailing all the time, how are we suppose to learn those valuable life lessons if nothing ever goes wrong?
We are learning together, we are growing together, and with each day passing we are going stronger and stronger.

It might sound cheesy, but he truly completes me, I am beautiful cause he makes me beautiful.  He gave me the most precious gift in life, he made me a mommy and enriching my life with two precious littlest Biekies!
But I have to thank my Heaven Father most of all, cause He is the one who send Guilm my way, He planned for us to be together and share the memories of each day.  He's the glue that keeps us sticking!

So, happy Weeding Anniversary my Bollie! Thank you for (sometimes, just sometimes), being the better part of me, I truly love you "till death do us part"

Crouch, touch, pause…engage!

Yes, we finally entered a new phase in our lives, as well as in parenthood, the phase know as extramural activities. When H started with Gr.0, we decided to introduce him to as much as possible, but not to force him and allow him to decide which activities he wanted to partake in. Therefore, when the rugby season started, we took him to rugby practise, which is not as hard-core as training for the Super 14 season, but enough to teach him the basic skills and further develop his muscle tone etc, etc.

As parents, we were pretty excited by all of this, but on the other hand, H did not take to this so gladly as we hoped for….for e.g. : Everyone on the field would be running and diving for the ball, going into the scrum with vigour, trying to get to that damm ball, everybody except H, who would be standing happily at the back, observing all the commotion and not bother at the least to try and get that ball….

Ok, yes, I understand the fact that he is only 5 (turning 6) and that this is the first time that he truly got involved in rugby, but still, as a parent you stop to wonder if maybe, just maybe, you might have done something wrong to contribute to the fact that he is not really interested in all of this.

We actually went as far as buying him a brand new red rugby ball to awaken “the hunger and the passion for the game”. We play outside on the lawn, pass the ball and scrum like no other man has done before. And after many trials and tribulations, tears shed on the rugby field, pep-talks from the coaches, and mommy and daddy boosting that little ego…we finally realised, H is not a “pack-man”, he does not like to be in the middle of that scrum, being squashed and squeezed…nope…my littlest is a kicker!!!!!

And I have to admit; he’s got a mean-ass kicking-foot. So yes, let the other boys scrum and tackle away, let them get all muddy, bloody and snotty….my boy will be the one behind the lines, waiting, making sure that when he gets the ball, to kick it as hard as possible and send it flying through the poles, to ensure victory, not only for him in a personal way, but for his team as well.

So kick away my littlest, kick away!

Littlest

Proud – prouder – atomic-sized-explosion-proud….

We all have our proud moments, those memories, when being thought of, still makes your heart go all warm, fussy and mushy.  If I had to look back and just name a few, it most probably would be the following :

• When I got my drivers licence first time;
• My engagement;
• (Obviously) my wedding day;
• Confirmation of my pregnancies;
• Hanco’s birth, that first little cry, a cry that confirmed that I was blessed with the title “Mother”;
• Same with Zhané’s birth, hearing her cry for the first time, being reminded that my blessings are countless
• Watching my kids reach all their milestones;

Those are just to name a few, but today was another one that I can add to my list.  Hanco took part in his very first athletics event; he ran the 60m as well as the 80m. 

But today was kind off bitter sweet for me as a mother, on the one hand, I was extremely proud of him, so proud that my chest literally pained from it, but on the other hand, I could not be there to support him, to stand next to the field and shout and cheer for him, to scoop him in my arms as he ran over the finish line, hug and kiss him, congratulate him and tell him just how very proud I am of him. 

This is just one of the few sad realisations of being a working-mom, cause you miss out on so many things.  Other people get to share precious moments with your kids, moments that you as mother was suppose to share with them.  And all of this just because I made the decision to be a working mom, to enable me to provide for them to the best of my financial ability, to provide them with good and reliable health care, good education, to pave their ways to a good, stable future.

But there are days where I long for the freedom of being a stay-at-home mom, the flexibility thereof, and the opportunity one gets to share in those cherished moments.

At least I got a photo or two of Hanco participating in today’s athletics, which sort-off somehow made me feel like I was almost there….

So, what are a few of your proudest moments? 

Taking the Challenge…

These last couple of days was a bit challenging to me, as wife as well as mother….

I have been on an emotional roller coaster of note, loosing control and dropping the balls on every twist, turn and bend of the roller coaster.  The more I try mending things, the more holes I find.

We have noticed a slight change in Hanco’s behaviour, as if he is a little bit more spiteful and on purpose, we have had some tears and snots as he refused to go to school, as the new teacher is a bit more strict with the kids as what H is used to, and I think emotionally he is struggling a bit with all of this, and the current situation at home is also not helping to improve things.  Zhané has turned into a little “attention-seeking-troll”, requiring more and more, and the more she gets, the more she wants, and beware of depriving her of said attention…man, things tend to turn ugly!  Unfortunately, Hanco pulls on the shortest end of this rope, cause it is easier to allow him to watch an animated movie while I tend to tantrum-troll than try and find an equal balance between the two.

But then, strangely, I get a e-mail from my sister, who was having a bit of a downer herself, and as I typed e-mail after a-mail, loading each with a few sentences filled with elderly-sister-advice, I think somehow, my own advice made me feel better in a small kind off way.

Maybe I should realise that things do not always go as we plan them, yes sometimes we are forced to take the road less travelled, but we have to remember…it’s not over till the fat lady sings, and lucky for me, this fat lady can not sing to save her life.

Sometimes we must just fight a little harder, try one more time, cause there are things in life that’s worth fighting for

First of many…

I somewhat, vaguely remember my first day of school, my new brown dress and the beige shirt underneath it, the grandness of my (first) new pair of school shoes, the little brown box suitcase my grandfather bought me. 

The excitement grew as mom and I entered the school grounds.  The big, brick buildings, the long hallways, everything was new to me, and I just could wait to start exploring every inch of it.  I could not get rid of my mom fast enough, just so that I could go sit at my desk, admiring the classroom, making sure my shoes stayed clean.  And I am pretty sure, if I close my eyes and think back hard enough I would be able to feel the wood surface of my desk underneath my fingertips, I would be able to smell my brand new box of Crayola crayons, hear the laughter of the children as the bell rang for break-time.  The more and more I sit here thinking about the memories I collected from my school days; the more and more I miss it.  We played marbles, hob-scotch, jumping rope and even a silly, little game where you used old (but clean) pantyhose from mom’s closet, but one of my favourite memories of way back then was the library and the books, the fact that I was taught the ability to read through countless pages, as much as I wanted and for as long as I wanted.  I enjoyed reading, it opened worlds for me that, I would never have been able to reach.

To be carefree, not worry about anything, to enjoy every moment as if there was no tomorrow, to learn, to explore…man those were the days!

Well that day finally arrived for Hanco…. his first day of school.  And I wanted everything to be just perfect for him.  I packed, unpacked and repacked his school bag maybe 3 times, made sure everything is clearly marked with “Hanco Botha” (I think his school bag is marked in 3 different places), his school uniform was ready, school shoes cleaned, lunch box packed and juice bottle filled.

As we drove to school, he sat quietly next to me in the car, observing our route as he does most of the time, but once we neared the school he was a sudden burst of energy and excitement.  He could not wait to get out of the car and enter the school grounds.  As we waited for Guilm to arrive, he was a non-stop-babbling-mess!

The moment finally arrived, he was allowed to walk through those big gates and enter this great adventure, and he started the new chapter in his life. 

They took us to his class, we met his teacher, but…. just as I did some 24 odd years ago, he also could not wait that we leave just so that he could go and play.  He could care less about the day of tomorrow or the philosophy of life, he only cared in doing what he knows best…. being a child.

And on your first day of school you showed us courage and bravery, you faced it with a smile on your face, you were proud, but even more, we as parents, standing behind you were bursting, bursting because you make us proud!

So cheers my littlest Biekie, cheers to great adventures and new chapters. 

May this truly be the best years of your life?  

Another story, a new chapter

Our New Year started with a few fireworks seen in a distance, the “+ Project” and a missing dog (who strangely suddenly appeared out of nowhere, as if she was not missing at all….and who by the way, weirdly went missing exactly one year ago as well….)

We decided against any New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 (I mean, really, who keeps to them anyway?), instead we will “create” projects as we go along, our first two for 2012 being : “The + Project” and the “Breaking bad habits Project”

The + Project :

We will try to see and do at least one positive (+) thing every day, the more the better, but at least one will do.

Breaking bad habits Project :

Which ever bad habit it may be, we will attempt in breaking it.  Both Guilm and I decided on the 3^rd that we have indulged long enough in our bad habit, and decided to put a stop to it, but in doing so, Mark decided that if we can do it, so can he, so all and all, the three of us have been bad habit-less for a total of 9 days now, and counting.  Apparently it takes 21 days to consider a bad habit broken, we are almost halfway…we can do this!

 *****

I can’t get myself to finish marking Hanco’s school requirements…. it is just to damm difficult and heartbreaking!  But I have to pull myself together, as school starts soon.  We will be there, right beside him, holding his hand, as he walks through the gates for the first time.  We will be there to comfort when all gets a bit to overwhelming; we will be there to witness the excitement. 

But then the time will come where I will have to let go of his hand, give him a hug, a kiss and an “I love you lots”.  

I will have to turn around, walk away and allow him to explore this wonderful new phase in his life, and I will do it with a smile on my face (let me rather re-phrase : A smile IN my heart and tears ON my face).  Yes it is sad to see them grow up so fast, but on the other side, it is absolutely amazing to see them grow, to reach the milestones, to learn, explore, play, to be a child,  but also grow into this perfect littlest human being.

I will love him (them) till end of time and then even some more, for they are my littlest, my Biekies, my everything, my reason for being, my reason for existing.